I can tuck mytits in my pants
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize