Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
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