1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
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