I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
