Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
