I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
