I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
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