So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
