Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
