Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
