At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
