I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
i wish my penis had a tongue
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
