i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
