just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Never joke about your clitoris.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
