As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
