it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
