Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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