look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
You need Xanax blowdarts
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
