Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Randomize
