I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
You have to summon your inner elephant
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
2020 sucks, I want a refund
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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