It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
