I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Randomize
