hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
