my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
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