I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Someone signed my nipple.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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