I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Randomize
