and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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