Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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