we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Randomize
