it hurts more in the daytime
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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