I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Randomize
