I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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