how do flat chested girls get laid?
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
