I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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