the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
