News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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