don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
