She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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