What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
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