I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
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