Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
