Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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