Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
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