He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
You pole danced in your parka.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Randomize