Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I need a beard to bite.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
