booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
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