I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
