He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
