I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
