Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
