Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
This is classic penis vs brain.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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