Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
