Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
what day is it and did you see me today?
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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