that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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