Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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