I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
