we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
