GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
