It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
