Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Randomize
