im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
