i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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