He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
