I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
