kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
