This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize