You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
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