did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
