please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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