I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
