evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
