allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Randomize
