I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
