i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
