Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Randomize
