Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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