He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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