We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize
