I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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