i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
