Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
