Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
