whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
