it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
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