I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
