We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Randomize
