great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
