That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
