Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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