Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
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