When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
