We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
