What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
