So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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