if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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