Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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