Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
