Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
