I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
