bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
