i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
