Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Too much gin, very little bucket
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
you win again, gameday.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
