shes about as inviting as chlamydia
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Randomize
