its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Randomize