Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize